WORLD WAR THREE --- BY ERROR THROUGH COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY!

June 3rd, 1980 --- About 2:30 AM ---

Computers at the National Military Command Center, beneath the Pentagon, at the headquarters of the North American Air Defense Command (norad), deep within Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado, and at Site R, the Pentagon’s alternate command post center hidden inside Raven Rock Mountain, Pennsylvania, issue an urgent warning ----

THE FRUCKING SOVIET UNION HAS LAUNCHED A NUCLEAR ATTACK AGAINST THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!

Those damn commies had recently invaded Afghanistan so tensions were the highest they had been since the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Ballistic Missile Crews removed "The Keys" from their safes.  

Bomber plane pilots ran to their assigned planes.

Attack planes were launched to search the skies.

It was like a movie, the FAA was ready to pull all flights from the air, to order them to land wherever they could.

Zbigniew Brzezinski, President Jimmy Carter's national-security adviser, was asleep in Washington DC, when the phone call came through.

"Them dirty commies have launched nukes at us!!!" someone screamed as he answered the phone. "Computer shows thousands on their way to kill us all in a beautiful but deadly fire balls, hotter than the mother fucking sun!!"

(Disclaimer -- Conversation recreated from a fictional account as giving by a mouse sitting in the corner on the night in question)

Brzezinski told his military aide, General William Odom, who was on the phone to get confirmation of the attack.

A retaliatory attack would need to be ordered and quickly.

Washington DC would soon be a burning ruin; a shit ball to its former shit ball status but on fire.

A real buzz kill.

Brzezinski did not wake up his wife; hoping that if the attack was true, she would die peacefully in her sleep, and also she was a real bear when awaken.

"No need to add more shit to the storm!"

As he prepared to call Carter and recommend an American counterattack, the phone rang for a third time. 

Odom apologized—it was a false alarm. 

An investigation later found that a defective computer chip in a communications device at norad headquarters had generated the erroneous warning.

The chip cost forty-six cents.

46 cents defective computer chip almost caused the end of the world.

This wasn't the first time an error had occurred.

A similar false alarm had occurred the previous year, when someone mistakenly inserted a training tape, featuring a highly realistic simulation of an all-out Soviet attack, into one of NORAD’s computers.

During the Cold War, false alarms were also triggered by the moon rising over Norway, the launch of a weather rocket from Norway, a solar storm, sunlight reflecting off high-altitude clouds, and a faulty A.T. & T. telephone switch in Black Forest, Colorado.

So basically, we've been on the "Eve of Destruction" on errors quite a few times; mostly unreported except through the fictionalization of events in movies.

Along with folks trying to flex their muscles in some leader orgasmic ritual, we are living in scary times; one false flick of a mouse or the ego of some world leader with a nuke, and goodbye Norma Jean and hello Fiery  end of the world as we know it.

So kids, if you're programming a virus to simulate a nuclear attack by a rogue nation, please don't, nations are on high tensions!!

They'll go off with one stroke!

WHO IS RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR 2018 --- THE GREAT STATE OF IDAHO!

WHO IS RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR 2018 --- THE GREAT STATE OF IDAHO!

Another night in the lovely paradise that is my mind; and decided, "Why not write another election piece; midterms baby, 2018!!"

Tonight's adventures, ventures, I don't know, brings us to the state that brings us potatoes and women in garter belts; IDAHO!!!

Oh Idaho, you wonderful state, the state whose song is OH IDAHO, THERE YOU ARE, AND HERE'S YOUR SONG!!! 

This election time (November 6th, 2018) we have running for governor of this great state, two people --- a dirty dish towel and some guy named Frank.

I kid of course, they are both dirty dish towels!

The current governor, Butch Otter, is serving three terms and has decided to say "Fuck this shit!" and wander away for some fly fishing.

There are two candidates running ----- >

Lt. Governor Brad Little, Republican

Paulette Jordon, former state representative and full time belly dancer, Democrat (We kid on the part she's a belly dancer. She does love to dance!!!)

BRAD LITTLE

REPUBLICAN

WEBSITE:http://www.bradlittleforidaho.com/

MOTTO: "We wear cowboy hats so the sun doesn't cook our brains!"

About Brad:

Brad was born Tilly Anne Stover of Walla Walla, Washington in 1872 or maybe we're confusing him with a vampire we read about.

We're not sure.

Brad fell into politics accidentally.

"I wanted to be a race car driver!" Brad told us from his secret underground lair all people in Idaho have (all 12 of them!! Don't believe me? Go Google!! I know, doesn't Idaho sound wonderful??")

Brad's father led him to find the values of his ancestors.

"Killing people is fun!! Hiding the bodies is not so much fun!!!"

After graduating college with a degree in underwater basket weaving, Brad was offered a job at the local strip club (Manny's place where the food is cold and the beer is warm and the women, well, they might have all their teeth!!!) but he decided to go back to his family's ranch where he discovered artificially inseminating bulls is a dangerous job.

"I got kicked in the face a lot!!"

Brad met his wife, whose name we don't feel like looking back up, and they were married in ceremony on the planet Venus.

"It was a beautiful ceremony!"

And soon Brad found himself wondering, "What can I do for Idaho now?"

He became a leader of the Sheep Shearers' Union and went on to do bigger and better things.

"Like sky diving!!"

To read more about Brad's life, you can go here ---- https://www.bradlittleforidaho.com/meet-brad-little/ or do like we do, and just wait for the movie starring Brad Pitt!!

WHY BRAD?

Why Brad? We say WHY NOT BRAD!?  

Brad is a ho, a true ho, he runs through the streets every night from 3 am till 9 am screaming I-DA-HO!!!!

His wife gets mad and tries to get him to come home.

"I'm cold!!' he says shivering and trying to get into bed.

Brad on the issues:

"I like cheese!" Brad says as we sit at a table at Margie's Bar and Grill in Boise.  "I think it all began when I was a child and just exploded after that!"

We kid.

Kinda.

We're not allowed into Boise but Idaho Falls likes us.

Brad is for education.

We guess.

We don't feel like clicking any more links but if you truly want to read his likes and stuff, you can go here ---- https://www.bradlittleforidaho.com/meet-brad-little/

PAULETTE JORDAN

DEMOCRAT

WEBSITE:https://www.jordanforgovernor.com/

ABOUT PAULETTE:

Paulette was born in the year of our lord of 1979, December.  She grew up on a farm in Northern Idaho, which means she was a typical kid from Idaho, growing potatoes and smothering small children during her family's yearly summer vacations to Spokane, Washington.

Paulette went to the University of Washington where she learned a love for politics, student rage against the system and her love for interpretative dance.

"I scored a 82 on the judges' cards for Dancing with the Stars!!"

She soon graduated and decided that dance could wait and went into politics right off the bat.

Or maybe she went to serve on some gaming board for the Indians. We're never sure.

Someday we hope to learn how to read.

MORE ABOUT PAULETTE CAN BE FOUND HERE --- https://www.jordanforgovernor.com/about-paulette/ 

WHY PAULETTE:

If we could vote in Idaho, we'd vote for Paulette.

Why?

Cause we could.

Probably her eyes.

Or her horse.

We like horses.

Plus we think we've falling in lust with her.

Yes Brad is cute too.

God, we're so confused!!!

MORE ON PAULETTE'S STAND ON ISSUES HERE ---- https://www.jordanforgovernor.com/priorities/

WHO WILL WIN??

The potato!!!

The potato always win!!!

Good night and have a better tomorrow!!!

WHO'S RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR 2018 --- The Great State of Tennessee!!

WHO'S RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR IN 2018?

A Random Blog Production

The Great State of Tennessee

(As seen by a nobody)

General Election set for November 6th, 2018

The year is 2018, another midterm election, senators, congressmen, women throwing their babies down wells, etc. etc.

It's a great year to be dead.

Politicians are out trying to GET OUT THE VOTE and sending out millions of emails asking for donations, votes, and hand jobs.

I usually ignore the email pleas but today I opened one up for a plea from someone trying to become governor of Tennessee.  

I don't live in the state but that's okay, I also got one for Kansas and was like, SWEET!! SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT!!!

So today, I will be looking into the run for governor of the Great State of Tennessee (to you folks outside of the United States, this will be a look into the election process of the U.S. which mostly involves a turkey and two cans of lard!)

First off, WHO DA HELL ARE RUNNING FOR THE GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF TENNESSEE??? (Most of the source is from Ballotpedia.org or Googling random terms like turkey tucker)

On the Republican side, denoted as (R) in your guide, it's Bill Lee also known as "Bill!!" throughout the bar scene of Tennessee (just kidding, most people just point and laugh at him)

Bill has been endorsed by the current President of the United States; a semen soaked beach towel.

Book makers are giving odds that basically say Bill Lee will be the next governor as Tennessee love the R and despises the D.

There are about 10,000 independents (or I) running in this election.

On the Democratic side, denoted as (D) in your guide, it's Karl Dean also known as "Frank Malone" throughout the gay massage parlors of Tennessee (there's 2!! Go Google!! Then try to explain to your wife why you're looking for gay massage parlors in Tennessee!! I'll wait!!!)

Karl has been endorsed by, well, apparently maybe his mom.  

We might endorse him unless one of the 10,000 independents looks better than we'll say VOTE FOR THAT GUY!!!!

SOME MORE IN-DEPTH REVIEWS ON THE CANDIDATES

BILL LEE

Republican

Website - https://www.billlee.com (So if he loses, he can still have a website to show off his art work!!)

"I want to kill you or be governor!" -- Bill Lee

BIOGRAPHY:  Bill Lee was never born, he just showed up, ready to be governor of the great state of Tennessee.  He is President and Chairman of some company that inseminates bulls, which we find very intriguing. He earned his degree in Underwater Basket Weaving from the University of Cleveland in 1777!  

"That's not true!!" Bill's lawyer screams from the audience.

According to his website at "Bill Lee for Governor of Tennessee", Bill Lee is Tennessee.  Or the State of Maine, whoever votes for him, he'll show up and be governor.

I'm the same way.

WHY BILL?  Bill is running for governor but he's no politician.  He's a cattle farmer. Or a sheep molester or a writer of erotic fiction.  Bill is running because you wouldn't. We asked, you said, go away, you're drunk.  Bill answered our call. Why didn't you? You selfish prick!!!

Bill has experienced tragedy in his life that taught him that life's too short for bad dinner or bad conversations, he's learned that watching old people having sex is sick but kinda erotic in its own right and as he gets older, he forgets where the bathroom is and piddles on the living room carpet, which then, his wife screams at him and his grand kids hang their heads in shame.

As Bill travels around Tennessee he has talked to people, like you, men, women, aliens from the Planet Unpronounceable in any Earth Tongue, Chinese, Vietnamese, down around your knees, and he has discovered that what Tennesseans want is what everyone wants, GOOD MEXICAN FOOD AT LOW PRICES!!!  

Bill goes to church.

So should you!

Sinner!!

KARL LEE

Democrat

Website - https://www.karldean.com/ (Again, smart move, in case he loses, he can still use it to show off his Harry Potter fan fiction!!!)

My name is Karl and I farted!

BIOGRAPHY: Karl was born out of a massive volcanic explosion on Mars and transported to Earth by a ball of fire.  He was the mayor of Nashville for 8 years.  He stole a family, made them pretend they were his (see photo below)

(Note - if Karl or his lawyers find this blog, we sorry but the truth needs to be let out. I do the same thing, kidnap some family, run for governor of some state, pretend like HEY, LOOK, I GOT A WIFE, FOUR HANDSOME KIDS, A DOG NAME TIPPER!! Karl, you should add a dog named Tipper!!!)

Karl also has been a lawyer, a teacher, an Indian chief, and worked as a chef at an Indian restaurant (one of these is not true, if you get it right, you win a prize!! Just kidding, you win squat!!!)

WHY KARL? Karl is running for governor of Tennessee because why the hell not? He's got four beautiful kids (and 2 ugly ones too hideous to be pictured), a loving wife(who we won't name cause she has threaten to kill us if we add her to this blog entry in mocking form that we are known for!!) and he wants what is best for Tennessee, GOOD MEXICAN FOOD AT LOW PRICES!!! 

Don't believe me?

Just ask him!!

Karl thinks school children are our future or food product sources, we really didn't read that closely on his website.

Go Karl!!

Note to reader:  Seriously, there's like 100s of Independents (I stopped counting at 10), so we decided to pick one and let you, the reader, go mock the rest. The list is at ballotpedia.org.

VINNIE VINEYARD

Independent

My name is Vinnie and I wanna funk you up!

Website - http://www.believeinthefunk.com/main.html (Believe in the Funk!!!)

BIOGRAPHY:  You didn't really read this far to find out that Vinnie graduated high school in 1993, went to college to get a degree in animal husbandry or that he was born from the sea floor and raised by Ethel and Martin, two loving parents who taught him that the love of funk was the best kind of love.

No you just wanted to hear him say, I WANNA FUNK YOU UP!!! And bam, there you go!! ~DROPS THE MIC~

Vinnie also is a professional ghost hunter on TV and has played numerous roles on TV (such as murder victim #1 on NYPD Blues!)

WHY VINNIE? Cause he's also a professional wrestler!! BAM!!! ~DROPS THE MIC AGAIN~

There you go!! The race to end all races, to decide who will govern the Great State of Tennessee or drink beer with a moose, we're never too sure in these things.

Good night and have a better tomorrow!!!!