WHO'S RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR 2018 --- The Great State of Tennessee!!

WHO'S RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR IN 2018?

A Random Blog Production

The Great State of Tennessee

(As seen by a nobody)

General Election set for November 6th, 2018

The year is 2018, another midterm election, senators, congressmen, women throwing their babies down wells, etc. etc.

It's a great year to be dead.

Politicians are out trying to GET OUT THE VOTE and sending out millions of emails asking for donations, votes, and hand jobs.

I usually ignore the email pleas but today I opened one up for a plea from someone trying to become governor of Tennessee.  

I don't live in the state but that's okay, I also got one for Kansas and was like, SWEET!! SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT!!!

So today, I will be looking into the run for governor of the Great State of Tennessee (to you folks outside of the United States, this will be a look into the election process of the U.S. which mostly involves a turkey and two cans of lard!)

First off, WHO DA HELL ARE RUNNING FOR THE GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF TENNESSEE??? (Most of the source is from Ballotpedia.org or Googling random terms like turkey tucker)

On the Republican side, denoted as (R) in your guide, it's Bill Lee also known as "Bill!!" throughout the bar scene of Tennessee (just kidding, most people just point and laugh at him)

Bill has been endorsed by the current President of the United States; a semen soaked beach towel.

Book makers are giving odds that basically say Bill Lee will be the next governor as Tennessee love the R and despises the D.

There are about 10,000 independents (or I) running in this election.

On the Democratic side, denoted as (D) in your guide, it's Karl Dean also known as "Frank Malone" throughout the gay massage parlors of Tennessee (there's 2!! Go Google!! Then try to explain to your wife why you're looking for gay massage parlors in Tennessee!! I'll wait!!!)

Karl has been endorsed by, well, apparently maybe his mom.  

We might endorse him unless one of the 10,000 independents looks better than we'll say VOTE FOR THAT GUY!!!!

SOME MORE IN-DEPTH REVIEWS ON THE CANDIDATES

BILL LEE

Republican

Website - https://www.billlee.com (So if he loses, he can still have a website to show off his art work!!)

"I want to kill you or be governor!" -- Bill Lee

BIOGRAPHY:  Bill Lee was never born, he just showed up, ready to be governor of the great state of Tennessee.  He is President and Chairman of some company that inseminates bulls, which we find very intriguing. He earned his degree in Underwater Basket Weaving from the University of Cleveland in 1777!  

"That's not true!!" Bill's lawyer screams from the audience.

According to his website at "Bill Lee for Governor of Tennessee", Bill Lee is Tennessee.  Or the State of Maine, whoever votes for him, he'll show up and be governor.

I'm the same way.

WHY BILL?  Bill is running for governor but he's no politician.  He's a cattle farmer. Or a sheep molester or a writer of erotic fiction.  Bill is running because you wouldn't. We asked, you said, go away, you're drunk.  Bill answered our call. Why didn't you? You selfish prick!!!

Bill has experienced tragedy in his life that taught him that life's too short for bad dinner or bad conversations, he's learned that watching old people having sex is sick but kinda erotic in its own right and as he gets older, he forgets where the bathroom is and piddles on the living room carpet, which then, his wife screams at him and his grand kids hang their heads in shame.

As Bill travels around Tennessee he has talked to people, like you, men, women, aliens from the Planet Unpronounceable in any Earth Tongue, Chinese, Vietnamese, down around your knees, and he has discovered that what Tennesseans want is what everyone wants, GOOD MEXICAN FOOD AT LOW PRICES!!!  

Bill goes to church.

So should you!

Sinner!!

KARL LEE

Democrat

Website - https://www.karldean.com/ (Again, smart move, in case he loses, he can still use it to show off his Harry Potter fan fiction!!!)

My name is Karl and I farted!

BIOGRAPHY: Karl was born out of a massive volcanic explosion on Mars and transported to Earth by a ball of fire.  He was the mayor of Nashville for 8 years.  He stole a family, made them pretend they were his (see photo below)

(Note - if Karl or his lawyers find this blog, we sorry but the truth needs to be let out. I do the same thing, kidnap some family, run for governor of some state, pretend like HEY, LOOK, I GOT A WIFE, FOUR HANDSOME KIDS, A DOG NAME TIPPER!! Karl, you should add a dog named Tipper!!!)

Karl also has been a lawyer, a teacher, an Indian chief, and worked as a chef at an Indian restaurant (one of these is not true, if you get it right, you win a prize!! Just kidding, you win squat!!!)

WHY KARL? Karl is running for governor of Tennessee because why the hell not? He's got four beautiful kids (and 2 ugly ones too hideous to be pictured), a loving wife(who we won't name cause she has threaten to kill us if we add her to this blog entry in mocking form that we are known for!!) and he wants what is best for Tennessee, GOOD MEXICAN FOOD AT LOW PRICES!!! 

Don't believe me?

Just ask him!!

Karl thinks school children are our future or food product sources, we really didn't read that closely on his website.

Go Karl!!

Note to reader:  Seriously, there's like 100s of Independents (I stopped counting at 10), so we decided to pick one and let you, the reader, go mock the rest. The list is at ballotpedia.org.

VINNIE VINEYARD

Independent

My name is Vinnie and I wanna funk you up!

Website - http://www.believeinthefunk.com/main.html (Believe in the Funk!!!)

BIOGRAPHY:  You didn't really read this far to find out that Vinnie graduated high school in 1993, went to college to get a degree in animal husbandry or that he was born from the sea floor and raised by Ethel and Martin, two loving parents who taught him that the love of funk was the best kind of love.

No you just wanted to hear him say, I WANNA FUNK YOU UP!!! And bam, there you go!! ~DROPS THE MIC~

Vinnie also is a professional ghost hunter on TV and has played numerous roles on TV (such as murder victim #1 on NYPD Blues!)

WHY VINNIE? Cause he's also a professional wrestler!! BAM!!! ~DROPS THE MIC AGAIN~

There you go!! The race to end all races, to decide who will govern the Great State of Tennessee or drink beer with a moose, we're never too sure in these things.

Good night and have a better tomorrow!!!!